Kish-u

-02.07-

Don’t know what happen to me last few days
Often I got day dreaming. And I thought about nothing…
It just empty
Last time, my mind was Disturbed by problem that is not a problem actually..
But sometimes I feel, it sucks knowing that someone that I feel ‘more’ already stolen his by someone else, although they are in relationship or not. They? Yups. My cases only about some people (less than 5) during last few years, and It always been similar since the beginning. Damn.. but I love seeing them if they are talking about someone that they love, or when they are doing something for the one that they love. I never get problem with my self if I set them free (hey I didn’t prison them ok ;)). They don’t know about my feelin’… well that’s good for my own sake. Anyway, I love them when they are loving someone.. Seems weird, huh? But it is true… I also enjoy it. No problemo at all. (Well, dick, if you read this, this is my problem (or not) which I told u before)
Well, cold water was run to my head this evening after I know such a lighter hope. I don’t know why, but seems I need an existence of a person beside me…maybe I feel like this because during the first year in itb, I haven’t found any close friend.. yeah..i realized that it is important having someone beside me, although it just for a mind “this person (he or she) will always standing at my side”. I hate to tell the truth that I need someone beside me… I know I had spent 1 year semi-alone when I was high school, I don’t know, but I feel so tired now. So tired even sometimes I can’t stand for so long… I don’t know how I can become this weak. Well. Now is 02.15 am, my clock, and I have no interest in sleeping right now. I Don’t wanna caught in an relation…I even try not to make it at all until the time come…but, yes, I need close friend…knowing that someone at ur side makes u feel better at all. Hey, in.u be happy ok, coz I really2 happy being ur friend…
I try to honest right know… well, its nice to know that u have those guys beside you. You have friend that support you anytime there… the most important is that I can say that they are beside you.. Many of my friends here, for sure, have found their close friend…we can see it by seeing the interaction. Some had made ganks. But I don’t need that….only 1, and it is enough….maybe I also was included with some friend, it means for me as ‘the environment’. I also feel close with them, it is a condition in which I feel this place is a place that I m belongs to. I have found this one, and I will keep it. But I haven’t found ‘the one’. He or she can or can’t be included in the environment. And, the complicated case also is that those who stole ‘someone’ also my good friend in the ‘environment’. Hehhe, jadi puyeng..makanya gw having fun aja, coz itu temen gw sendiri, jadi gw 99% relaa… But he or she still can socialize with them.
Why I talk like this? Why I taking argument of this thing? Coz I felt that it is a kind of circumstances that always happen to me. Like a siklus, it has been ‘infected’ me since I was elementary. I can call that I always use one year as my adaptation time…
Hey, if someone read this article, do not ever speak up about this to me. Let it be my problem… besides that… I m not good in speak, especially about something that pass in my mind. I better tell it in word, by paper, or such a thing… always…
Maybe someone who wants to ask about it must ask it by writing something also… I feel free if I write my own feelin.
Nowadays, besides my confusing mind, I also get my mind feel better. How come? Only me, my self, and my beloved God know about it. Something that can make me stand here again… although it is not for sure, at least I have something that you know as a title of a song: “the (another) reason”. Hopefully, at least this reason can make me stand here, at least again, till the time come =)

-02.49-
12.07.06
Countdown 2 2.9 (hopefully I don’t remember bout this day)

pas mau kabur dari segalanya malah sepertinya bakalan sibuk sama kerjaan

tapi ternyata nyerut bambu buat pasar seni mnyenangkan…bisa nyalurin emosi dalam bentuk positif

walopun hari ini jonas ngebuat gw sebal setengah matiiii
tapi masih ada kok 1 hal yang bikin gw rada tenag hari ini
knoeing that at least my problem get better w/ 1 clear information
hopefully it is true anD this problem wont make me confusing again like before
yester year before
hopefully

hehehe

temen(2) gw lagi pada mu diving ke krakatau
gak sekedar itu, mereka juga neliti
pengen euy
tadinya dulu juga gw pengen ikut unit selam
tapi terlau banyak pertimbangan
sekarang malah pengen lagi gara2 kayanya nautika jadi irisan bagian dari lfm, wakzzz
tapi kalopun ikutan, gw bakal jarang banget ikut acara selamnya kecuali latihan bc0z oF its cost
tapi entah kenapa pas nonton final worLd cuP kemaren, gw iseng ngambil majalah di ruang santay en menDapati tu majalah ngebahas fotografi bawah laut (gOdaan beSar aPa ini, huh?)
dan kubacalah majalah itu

damn

renang 200m without stop???

water trap minimal 2′

never get lung desease??

or such a sinusitis??

walopun bs dibilamng gw gak terlalu sebagai penderita, tapi gw punya masalah dengan beberapa hal itu….

senen kemaren gw berenang

a l o n e

eh, ada yg bikin jiper, ada anak berenang di bag.panjangnya lebih dari10x bolak balik without stop…
gilee tuh anak staminanya
mana pas lagi gaya punggung udah nikmatin kaya berang2 buka tiram di perut ^_^;;
dy pake segala gaya man!! walpun dy pake kaki katak (tapi kok ga terlalu panjang ya?)

weits, gw ditunggu arLin bwt ngambil sliping bag

bsok nyerut bambu lagi

5 hari itu mmebuat gw pusing!!!1
5 hari itu memang sangat menyenangkan…
tapi, 5 hari itu membuat gw lemah….
selalu ingin bersandar
wakZ..gw benci ky gini….
pdhl ga mau bergantung…
lemah…

hal yg gak jadi pikiran gw for years…knapa tiba2 nyangkut trus akhir2 ini??
damn
gw gak pernah bermasalah dan mempermasalahkan hal yg seperti ini sebelumny
juzz still fun
and gak pernah membuat hal itu jadi sesuatu yg harus or wajip en berat dipikirin
tapi knapa ahir2 ini gw bimbang???
yah..stiap bangun tidur, pasti itu lewat di pikiran gw
blum tidur juga
dan sekarang tiba2 2 pilihan menghadang
2 jawaban menerjang (apa sech?!!!)
man!!! knapa gw musti mikirin hal yang ga perlu ini??

uh, sbenernya mau lari dari segala kerjaan nih
lg ngerasa suck sama kepanitiaan
gw amu menikmati dari jauh aja ga terjun
-gada hubungannya pisann!!!-

gw harap gw bisa nglupai masalah yang bukan masalah ini
sepertinya gw menjalani 5 tahun dengan senang hati dan tanpa beban meskipun
padahal hal ini udah nyangkut juga dari dulu
walo during that time gw hanya mengalami 3 kasus yang berbeda
sekarang jadi 4 kasus
dan kasus ke 4 bikin gw bimbang

gw benci jadi lemahh giniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii